Last Sunday, I was about to go to mass in my usual 6:00 PM schedule at the usual church I am attending. It so happened that when I get near the church door, it was only then that I realized there will be no mass to be said in that church for that time! I only have a few minutes left to catch the last mass at the town proper and I did not have any change to hire a tricycle to get me there on time. So I immediately trudged by way back home and hurriedly got a fare enough to get me to the town and hear mass. I have to mention though that I was tempted to no longer hear mass since I tried to hear mass anyway and I did not know there wouldn’t be any. It was good that my resolve got the better of me.
The proclamation of the gospel is about to end when I got there. However, I did not expect the church to be so full I needed to go in through the side chapel. As soon as I stepped into its doors, I was readily transported back in time and remembered that this was the place where the Curia is usually held. This is also the church where our Acies are celebrated. The experience painted a smile on my face since these are all good memories. These memories that to come back since a friend discussed at a forum her experience of re-entry to the Legion of Mary and the Legion Promise she said during her induction.
The homily was a long one. But I figured that it was what I needed to hear. The priest told of a story of a painter who attempted to paint a masterpiece everyday—and from each day of painting, he learned his lesson until he was able to perfect his craft without much effort. This is the same discipline, the priest said, that is needed in the spiritual life. If we could, in each New Year, resolve at least one imperfection or replace a bad habit, it is for sure that along the way we would become saints.
Communion was given in both species—the Body and Blood—something that I have not received for a while. Also, a bonus during the recession was the sprinkling of holy water. Remembering Legion, the message of the homily, communion of both species, holy water—blessings unexpected received!
The essence of this homily was repeated on Monday’s homily by another priest at a university parish. That is, the need for discipline in the spiritual life. This Monday, however, was a particularly low moment for me. I felt that it was one of those days when I was not proud to be myself. One, because I already almost missed mass on a Sunday—the first Sunday of the year. Two, because I overheard my dad resenting my mom’s agreeing to some of my decisions. Three, because I do not like my reaction over that matter. Four, that reaction spilled over almost until the afternoon of that day. I said to myself, what a work week to start the year! So five, because of all that I missed working on a Monday and went to the doctor instead to have myself checked up, which was already long overdue.
“Beloved: we receive from Him whatever we ask..” – 1 John 3:22
“Ask of me and I will give you…” –Psalm 2:9
Those were lines from the first reading and from the psalmody on Monday. And I doubted it to be true for me. I just had a major blooper. I felt like that was a major detour from my resolutions. I did not think I would be able to redeem myself. That’s why I did not think God will favor me that way. Or so I thought.
When I went to work on Tuesday, I asked God to grant me the grace to simply remember to ask Him for what I need because it felt like that was His message—ASK! An officemate gave me a gift. When I opened it, I was quite taken aback by the inscription on the pad she gave me. It says: “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” –Matthew 21:22. Then I realized, the reason why I lose my strength easily is because indeed I always forget to ASK what I need for the moment.
I read once that if we want to give God our all like a thousand dollars, He would want us to exchange that in coins and let us give those coins little by little to those in need—a quarter there or a penny here. A little talk with a friend, a little patience to those who irritate us and the like. I guess that is what He wants as well. In order to have frequent converse with Him—to enjoy and maintain and savor His company—He wants to give out His grace not in a thousand dollars in the morning for the whole day but moment by moment. So that we can invite Him to be there with us and participate. Not that He does not do so. Only that we be more conscious of His grace when we ASK in each moment. That alone made my day. This was somehow affirmed as well while I was on my way home reading “The Necessity and Power of Prayer” on my phone.
When I got home, I felt like I am just okay. I got things in better perspective. I realize that whatever is my dad’s reaction to my mom’s agreement is coming from his own issues. It has NOTHING to do with me. I felt I was given the grace to see myself apart from and actually separate myself from him. Thus, I am able to deal with him and treat him better. See him not only as my dad but as a human being with his own struggles and frailties.
I reflected on all that has happened recently and what God is actually telling me. One thing that struck me is that yes, I was about to miss mass on a Sunday but didn’t and went on a detour to go to mass and got bonus blessings to top all that instead! I felt like Monday was a big blunder yet I felt favored still… Keeping these things in mind, I could only say that indeed, sometimes in life, things happen unexpectedly like mistakes—small and big ones we do or others do unto us… But still those things can be a source of blessings when we try to do the right thing and not give in to what we feel we like to do and ask for the grace inside those painful, embarrassing, untimely experiences—then they themselves turn to be blessings in disguise!
