In the morning of first day of the year 2011, I asked God what specifically He wants me to do for the day. The answer I got was the title above. At first I was in doubt because I know that I could not simply bring myself to contemplation at will. But then, I told myself that if that was God’s will for me then He will grant me the grace to do exactly that.
Well, I am glad I did. The fruit of such prayer is the confidence He restored me with as being His own, the longing to be totally His especially to AT LEAST have the desire to dedicate everything for His glory, and the sensitivity to align my will to His.
It felt good just being with Him. That alone is rest for my otherwise restless soul.
Towards twilight, as expected, I totally forgot Him. Only to be troubled by my health condition, this totally obsessed me with no other than of course, myself. It was late in the evening already when I remembered, yeah, I am supposed to be obsessed with His presence in everything even in what I do instead of just whiling my time away.
It was fitting that He instructed me to live in His presence as such for He knows my weakness. My mind easily slips into contemplating what others say, think or do—past, present or future—and other useless imaginings. Once my mind is obsessed by these, the peace in my heart is readily stolen. That is where the enemy usually strikes and amplifies.
“Contemplate Me.”
The first time that I met God personally in a private conversion some 15 years ago, the first Truth that I learned was that it is simply impossible to love without Him. True love can only be done through Him, with Him and in Him. I then made it a point to sign my name before a heart and a cross—symbolizing the love of Christ, my love in Christ and being in love with Christ. It has become my personal symbol.
“Contemplate Me.”
When I was a novice in Carmel, I made a journal with the same design. It was then that I realized the heart as a calligraphy of a person before the Cross in prayer and worship. It was also during one of our spiritual readings, that I came across one of Edith Stein’s lines: To stand before the face of the living God that is our vocation. The Practice of the Presence of God by another Carmelite Brother Lawrence, is a good guard to persons struggling against temptations and to those ordinary Christians who consider their work table as their altar and their output as offerings to God. Thus, I believe that does not apply to Carmelites alone but to Christians everywhere.
“Contemplate Me.”
Last year, while undergoing help in regard to my struggles, my counselor asked us to draw our own blueprint—an image representing us. There was no other image in my mind other than the image I sign my name with—the symbol above. As I explained what it meant for me, the more it holds true for me…
I am nothing without Him. My essence is entirely with Him. I am His creature, He is Creator. I am servant and He is Lord. My heart bows down before Him—He alone can fill it completely and make it whole—nothing and no one else can. This heart is His. He protects it, shepherds it, soothes, guides, binds, teaches, corrects, nurtures it, nourishes it… He is all m heart needs and there is nothing else that I want.
As long as my heart is fixed before Him, like a compass pointing to its true north, I shall find my way home in this otherwise perilous yet worthwhile journey.
“Contemplate Me.”
That is what I need to master indeed.
